Bit by Bit

It’s still weird for me to acknowledge the fact that I live in Spain. It’s almost November, so I’m approaching the two month mark. Part of it is my life here isn’t “permanent.” Even though I have a paying job, an apartment, and I cook for myself, all hallmarks of post-grad life, it doesn’t feel quite real. I think a large part is that since we were kids we’ve been told the script of our lives:

1.      Do well in school
(In order to)
2.      Get into a good university
(In order to)
3.      Get a good job
(So you can)
4.      Provide for your kids
(So they can)
5.      Repeat the cycle 
 

Maybe this isn’t the exact plan that everyone gets pressured to do, but I think so much of we do is based on delayed gratification, which I’m not necessarily against. I see wisdom in saving money, planning ahead, making sacrifices now to benefit in the future. It’s a solid principle (especially in lieu of the other extreme of “my way, right now”); however I’m definitely feeling the dissonance when that principle becomes so rigid. When everything you do is for a future that you may or may not ever reach, when you start defining worth and value based on a completion date. The whole, “I’ll finally be happy when I finish my degree, when I have this many kids, when I get this rank at my job.” You can start to see identity and worth get redefined by what you’ve done instead of who you are. 

Almuñecar

Anyways all that is to say, I’m starting to build my life here, which is why I haven’t been writing as much, I’ve just been focused on living.  Unfortunately I’ve slipped into living for future.  “When I finally get my internet, then I‘ll be settled. When I get paid then I can enjoy myself. When I can speak better Spanish then I’ll try to make more friends. When Raices starts then I’ll be more involved with the community.”  And while those things are important, I don’t need them to feel settled. I’m already here. 

 

So some things I have done. Two weeks ago I went to Almuñecar, 1.5 hrs from Granada, with some American girls from my church; super impromptu and completely worth it. The day started cloudy but by the time we reached the sea rays had broken through and unveiled the different shades of blue and teal of the Mediterranean.  We had 2^nd breakfast at this café on the boardwalk and then finally moseyed down to the beach. Instead of sand, the shore was made up of little pebbles. They were perfect for skipping stones; oval and flat.  We spent a good portion of our time climbing this large rock/cliff that overlooked the bay and hanging out on top just enjoying the view.  We wanted to cliff dive but the wind was a just bit much so we settled with a polar plunge by taking a running start from the beach.  It only took a minute or two for my body to go numb and then it felt glorious.  I swam watching the colors shift as I crossed depths. So so incredible and so much fun. 

Chelsi, Cathy, Lorena, and me

The next weekend amigos from my teaching program came and visited! Unfortunately it drizzled and rained most of the weekend so the beauty of Granada wasn’t quite on display.  But we met up with the other participants in town and went for tapas. It was surprisingly refreshing to be around so many familiar faces.  I think my favorite part of the weekend was when we ended up in this 50s/60s themed bar.  The illustrations on the wall were so fun: go-go girls, slicked hairstyles and winged sunglasses, old magazine covers with completely antiquated language.  I loved the break from passing bars that were blasting club songs to hearing music where dancing the twist was applicable. And dance we did.

As for during my weeks: I enrolled into a Spanish course, Tuesdays and Thursdays from 6pm-9pm; long but worth it. My professor focuses a lot on how to sound like a native when constructing sentences and using colloquial phrases. She has this whole philosophy about how she doesn’t teach rules of language because people blindly follow them rather than thinking about how language works.  So she says she teaches the mechanisms of language instead, a bit Dead Poets Society but I think she’s onto something. Now I understand the grammar so much more even if I can’t produce it perfectly. Plus unlike my Spanish course at CLIC there’s only one other American in my class. We have students from Germany, France, Syria, Luxemburg, Canada, and Brazil. So our common language is Spanish, which helps deter me from resorting to English. 

Luismi, Sarah, and me

Wednesdays I tend to go to a bible study and Fridays are hang out/cultural nights. Yesterday we had an open mike night and people played instruments, rapped, sang, and recited poems in English, Spanish, and Romanian, plus some dancing. Another Friday we explored the area around the Alhambra (gorgeous at night) and hung out in a teteria (tea shop) afterwards. But don’t let me fool you, my weeks may sound filled, but I still find plenty of time to waste watching TV, wandering around the center window shopping,  laying in my bed, or on the more productive side find new places to hang out with Noemi (Jazz Café ftw!)

I may or may not be seriously considering renewing my contract for another year. Part of me says one year is enough then I need to start looking at “real” jobs, but then the other part of me says this is a “real” job.  Plus with two years of living here my Spanish will be better, I’ll have better friendships, and more life experience whether that’s teaching ESL, working with kids, or (hopefully) a better understanding of the direction/arc I want to pursue.  Just some thoughts. But for now I’m trying not to let my circumstances dictate my mood. If I’m waiting for something, I won’t hold my breath; there are other things to experience even with deadlines loom in the distance.