Snapshots

Do you ever have those moments when you realize you're an extra in someone else's (metaphorical) movie? I love them. Usually I'm just walking down the street and I see a quick scene of someone's life as I'm walking by. It pulls me out of my head. The soundtrack switches and the camera pans from me to them. 

Like yesterday I was walking down the street, looking down, trying to avoid dog poop and I see my path is clear for a while so I look up. Then there, coming barreling down the street is a father and his son. They both have massive smiles on their faces, the father's hair blowing from running, and his protective hand behind his son who is pedaling  furiously on his bike that is precariously supported with training wheels. It was just one of those moments, the universal kinds, the ones everyone hopes to have and to give.  Its the type of moment that grows and has roots and you know even if that kid doesn't think about it later, it was something that is creating who he is.

Another one I noticed was when I was in Almeria a couple months back. I was in line waiting to get on the bus to go back to Granada after visiting Cathy and Lindsay and I notice this couple about my age. Usually I tend avert my eyes when I notice couples because the give away sign is them making out (Spain loves its PDA). But no, he just lightly held her elbow, not quite ready for her to go yet. When she got on the bus they were so peaceful. No big show or tearful goodbyes, just a simple happy kiss. Once on the bus, they gazed contentedly at each other through the window. When we started leaving everyone else walked away, but he lingered a little longer. He waved, made a heart shape with his hands, and turned to go. But what I loved was that he couldn't help but to look back. Again its that movie moment, "if they look back they love me!" I know its a silly thing,  one of those tropes that get taken out of proportion yet here it was. He walked some more and then looked back, walked and kept trying to catch that last glance until she was out of sight. I like that happy quiet love.

Eventually the camera focuses back on me, staring at the rolling landscapes, olive trees rising and falling or I'm just walking the same cobblestoned path past the river returning to my apartment, but my thoughts linger. I'm not alone.

Birds Flying High // You Know How I Feel

Good tidings I bring!

Sierra shot from school

I tend to love February: everyone is back and recovered from break, schedules are more concrete, everything seems to have its rhythm.  I even love Valentine’s Day.  Though that’s mainly because it’s the day before my birthday and so it makes chocolate and candy super cheap just in time to celebrate.   Unfortunately it’s still as chilly as ever. On the bright side, the snow capped Sierras are stunning even though they engulf the city in its icy embrace.  

So far this February has also been fabulous.

January I started my second job teaching in Chauchina on Tuesdays and Thursday after I’m done in Santa Fe. And now I feel more in control. They are exhausting days, but I usually can’t help but smile by the end of it.  Plus with all this extra teaching experience, I’m discovering that I don’t actually want to teach English. It’s perfect for right now, polishing skills, and enabling me to see Spain….but it doesn’t seem to be what I’m looking for long-term. Or at least Spain isn’t. Realizing that is half the battle, but it’s frustrating to keep running into walls. 23 is young (I repeat every morning). I have time to find that thing that clicks, but having a blindfold certainly impedes the process. 

Can't wait to meet my niece Sofie when I go back

That being said, I’ve started the job search in the States. Went through the first couple stages of interviews for one company, but didn’t make the cut in the end.  I’ve got my eye on something in DC, but I have to wait until I’m closer to coming home to pursue it. Not having ambitions really puts a damper on finding direction. My ultimate goal is really to just be a cog. I’m not an entrepreneur. I don’t have big exciting ideas. I just want to find my niche and then do it well and consistently. I want to build relationships and invest in community. My passions can pretty much transplant anywhere.  Anyways my future is perched in the air. I’ll let you know when something tips. 

February has been more tranquil than the previous months. I haven’t travelled anywhere since Christmas. But the plane tickets I recently bought more than make up for my sedentary life.  During Semana Santa, I’M GOING TO EYGPT! For those of you who don’t know and may think I’m crazy for traversing a country so riddled with political unrest, several  (seven in fact) of my friends are interning in Cairo. They assure me their experience is not the type that would make headlines.  So off I go! I’m so pumped to see them. Two of them were previous housemates, and the others I’ve known all throughout college.  Anyways my indulgent birthday present took a chunk out of the bank account so it looks like I’ll be kicking around Granada for the next month too.

Surprised

As for my actual birthday, it was very chill. I picked up a paycheck and got Thai (Spain styled) for lunch with a co-worker. Then I spent the rest of the day shopping. Later that night when I was snuggled up with a book Daniela, Caro, and Noemi surprised me with an almond encrusted, raspberry filled cake. D to the E to the li-ih-ih-ihhhhCIOUS. After the sugarbomb I  showed them the wonderful cards my parents sent me. Starting from the end of January to the day of my parents, but specifically my mom, sent me 23 birthday cards, one for every birthday. She wrote anecdotes from the years and sent old family photos along. Then on my birthday my dad sent me a card specifically from him and that was pretty special too. I loved it. Getting mail is exciting in and of itself, but getting mail when you’re abroad is 10x better.  So by the time Feb 15^th rolled around I felt like I had been celebrating for two weeks.  

Groom and Bride

Birthday celebrations were eclipsed though because the next day was Angel and Gisella’s wedding!! Ain't no wedding like a Spanish wedding ‘cuz Spanish weddings don’t stop. But srsly.  I got there early to help decorate a bit about 5pm (the wedding started close to 6 pm) and I came home around 3 am.  What? The ceremony was Spanish but not Catholic.  Outside underneath a canopy, there were no bridesmaids or best men. Friends and family all crowded around to see the bride come up the patio.  The ring bearer came up after the bride and groom sat in chairs in front of the pastor.  After they signed and said “yo quiero” they immediately greeted practically every single guest with besitos. Then, and only then, were they whisked away while we enjoyed a cocktail hour, two, or three. After the ceremony time just flew out the window. I do think the dinner course started somewhere around 9pm. Before midnight the groom made a speech (no toasts here) and around 1am or 2am we played some games.  I think it didn’t end too much later after we shuffled out saying our goodbyes to the bride and groom. 

Caro about to get me back from all those "missed" punches

The only plans I have for the rest of February is to read read read!! I did a throwback and read the Uglies series (2005) by Scott Westerfeld, not amazing but still fun. I always love a good Dystopian. Now on the slot I have Game of Thrones, The Kite Runner, A Thousand Splendid Suns, and Behind the Beautiful Forevers. Hopefully I can knock out at least two of those in the  next week. I'm trying to make up for my lack of reading in January.

2013 continues to keep my spirits high.With work and Raíces getting into full swing I have to force myself to be on top of things if I don't want to get too overwhelmed. My raging procrastination skills keep nipping at my heels. But I'd much rather be running around like chicken with its head cut off than a frog not noticing its in a boiling pot. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Bit by Bit

It’s still weird for me to acknowledge the fact that I live in Spain. It’s almost November, so I’m approaching the two month mark. Part of it is my life here isn’t “permanent.” Even though I have a paying job, an apartment, and I cook for myself, all hallmarks of post-grad life, it doesn’t feel quite real. I think a large part is that since we were kids we’ve been told the script of our lives:

1.      Do well in school
(In order to)
2.      Get into a good university
(In order to)
3.      Get a good job
(So you can)
4.      Provide for your kids
(So they can)
5.      Repeat the cycle 
 

Maybe this isn’t the exact plan that everyone gets pressured to do, but I think so much of we do is based on delayed gratification, which I’m not necessarily against. I see wisdom in saving money, planning ahead, making sacrifices now to benefit in the future. It’s a solid principle (especially in lieu of the other extreme of “my way, right now”); however I’m definitely feeling the dissonance when that principle becomes so rigid. When everything you do is for a future that you may or may not ever reach, when you start defining worth and value based on a completion date. The whole, “I’ll finally be happy when I finish my degree, when I have this many kids, when I get this rank at my job.” You can start to see identity and worth get redefined by what you’ve done instead of who you are. 

Almuñecar

Anyways all that is to say, I’m starting to build my life here, which is why I haven’t been writing as much, I’ve just been focused on living.  Unfortunately I’ve slipped into living for future.  “When I finally get my internet, then I‘ll be settled. When I get paid then I can enjoy myself. When I can speak better Spanish then I’ll try to make more friends. When Raices starts then I’ll be more involved with the community.”  And while those things are important, I don’t need them to feel settled. I’m already here. 

 

So some things I have done. Two weeks ago I went to Almuñecar, 1.5 hrs from Granada, with some American girls from my church; super impromptu and completely worth it. The day started cloudy but by the time we reached the sea rays had broken through and unveiled the different shades of blue and teal of the Mediterranean.  We had 2^nd breakfast at this café on the boardwalk and then finally moseyed down to the beach. Instead of sand, the shore was made up of little pebbles. They were perfect for skipping stones; oval and flat.  We spent a good portion of our time climbing this large rock/cliff that overlooked the bay and hanging out on top just enjoying the view.  We wanted to cliff dive but the wind was a just bit much so we settled with a polar plunge by taking a running start from the beach.  It only took a minute or two for my body to go numb and then it felt glorious.  I swam watching the colors shift as I crossed depths. So so incredible and so much fun. 

Chelsi, Cathy, Lorena, and me

The next weekend amigos from my teaching program came and visited! Unfortunately it drizzled and rained most of the weekend so the beauty of Granada wasn’t quite on display.  But we met up with the other participants in town and went for tapas. It was surprisingly refreshing to be around so many familiar faces.  I think my favorite part of the weekend was when we ended up in this 50s/60s themed bar.  The illustrations on the wall were so fun: go-go girls, slicked hairstyles and winged sunglasses, old magazine covers with completely antiquated language.  I loved the break from passing bars that were blasting club songs to hearing music where dancing the twist was applicable. And dance we did.

As for during my weeks: I enrolled into a Spanish course, Tuesdays and Thursdays from 6pm-9pm; long but worth it. My professor focuses a lot on how to sound like a native when constructing sentences and using colloquial phrases. She has this whole philosophy about how she doesn’t teach rules of language because people blindly follow them rather than thinking about how language works.  So she says she teaches the mechanisms of language instead, a bit Dead Poets Society but I think she’s onto something. Now I understand the grammar so much more even if I can’t produce it perfectly. Plus unlike my Spanish course at CLIC there’s only one other American in my class. We have students from Germany, France, Syria, Luxemburg, Canada, and Brazil. So our common language is Spanish, which helps deter me from resorting to English. 

Luismi, Sarah, and me

Wednesdays I tend to go to a bible study and Fridays are hang out/cultural nights. Yesterday we had an open mike night and people played instruments, rapped, sang, and recited poems in English, Spanish, and Romanian, plus some dancing. Another Friday we explored the area around the Alhambra (gorgeous at night) and hung out in a teteria (tea shop) afterwards. But don’t let me fool you, my weeks may sound filled, but I still find plenty of time to waste watching TV, wandering around the center window shopping,  laying in my bed, or on the more productive side find new places to hang out with Noemi (Jazz Café ftw!)

I may or may not be seriously considering renewing my contract for another year. Part of me says one year is enough then I need to start looking at “real” jobs, but then the other part of me says this is a “real” job.  Plus with two years of living here my Spanish will be better, I’ll have better friendships, and more life experience whether that’s teaching ESL, working with kids, or (hopefully) a better understanding of the direction/arc I want to pursue.  Just some thoughts. But for now I’m trying not to let my circumstances dictate my mood. If I’m waiting for something, I won’t hold my breath; there are other things to experience even with deadlines loom in the distance.

The Pomegranate Life

Dali graffiti

Honesty time: Granada's pace is much less glamorous than the three week vacation I had in Sevilla. I’m finally getting to the nuts and bolts of life, making more mistakes, and taking on more responsibility.  

Last Saturday I moved into an apartment which I share with Clara and her thirteen year old daughter Carla.   Clara is a friend of some friends who have been living in Spain. I met her two years ago when I came to Spain with XA (Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship). The apartment is lovely and pretty spacious.  I have a little nook in my room where I read and learn to play guitar. I’m learning how to cook with a gas stove and I actually have an oven! Whether or not I’ll use it is a different matter.  I think my favorite thing kitchen wise is that the microwave has a built in toaster. That’s so efficient!

Living Room

My location is almost perfect.  I have my bank, the grocery store, church, the commercial center and a huge fountain with a walkway lined with trees all within a 5-10 minute walk of my apartment. The only thing that could be a better is my commute to my job. I haven’t completely timed it, but I think I need to take a 15-20 min city (red) bus ride to catch the pueblo (green) bus line that will take 20-30 minutes to get to Santa Fe where I work.  But considering I’ve already run into friends walking near my apartment, I’ll take an easier social life over an easier commute. 

View from the laundry room.

I visited my school on Wednesday and I really don’t know what to feel.  I’m nervous, but I guess that’s normal.  The tour was a little overwhelming; lots of rooms, teachers, and subjects to remember. Not to mention I haven’t even met the students yet, and from budgets cuts classrooms are around 30 students.  One of the things I’ve been rethinking is the age group I chose. I’ll be with 12-14 year olds. By that age I think they can tell when you don’t have a clue what you’re doing. Maybe primary kids would have been easier; you can’t feel them judging you.  The director gave me my tentative schedule (Fridays off!) which has me finished some days by noon and others by 3pm.  As for what I’ll be doing depends on the classroom. There are a couple different levels and different subjects. Some are straight up English classes where others are subjects taught in English like history or science.  The only thing I know for certain at this point is Monday I need to have conversation activities planned that use verbs in the simple continuous and food vocabulary.

Along with visiting my school I accomplished quite a bit this week, however that feeling might be due to the fact of how long it took to do some of those things or how many times I got lost trying to get to those places. I’m a little ashamed of how much money I ended up spending on taxis. When I was relating some of my travel stories to friends, one of the girls, Carolina, gaped at me and asked if I was missing part of my lung.  Meaning did I have a hard time breathing when I walked, why else would I pay the exorbitant amount they charge compared to the 1.20 € flat rate of a city bus.  That reason happens to be that I’m perpetually late which really means I have root problems with procrastination, a poor inner clock, distractions, and other forms of dawdling.

My nook and borrowed guitar!

That particular taxi ride was due to, after some bus confusion, realizing I had 15 minutes to take a 20 minute bus ride on a bus that wasn’t coming for another 10 minutes to make it to an appointment at the foreigner’s office to get my TIE (the thing that lets me stay in the country) which I did not want to try and reschedule.  So taxi it was. But if I had just left lunch earlier, I could have avoided that. 

However the taxi ride I took to Santa ,I feel, was unavoidable. I went to the wrong bus station and had people tell me three different places to get the bus, and after going to all of them I was nowhere closer to finding it.  I could either keep looking  (sans map) and try to catch the next bus time, which would leave me at least 40 minutes late to my appointment at my school, or take a taxi and be on time.  Then it started raining for the first time in a year. Taxi it was. I’m chalking it up as moving costs, albeit painful moving costs, especially since I’m accruing loads of them. My mistakes are running expensive. However in my defense, I don’t have internet access at my apartment yet to help me figure some of these things out. 

Cooking with gas

So my actual accomplishments! I moved into my apartment, opened a bank account, signed up for internet (which I won’t get installed for another week), got my TIE started (I pick it up in a month), got my Carné Joven (discount card), registered with the city which allowed me to order the Bonobús Joven (reduces transit from 1.20 € to .52 €), visited my school, found the actually bus stop,  bought my Green bus pass, plus did grocery shopping, laundry, and re-stringed a guitar. Oh and all in Spanish. BAM. Well crooked, broken, wandering Spanish, but still, I’m trying.

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

This is it. I'm on the bus to Granada, my last move for the year, and it has wifi! My heart is still racing from narrowly making it on board, but a little Swedish xylophone music (Detekivbryan) will take care of that.

My last night in Sevilla was just what I needed it to be. My nueva amiga Courtney and I went to the Teatro de la Maestranza and listened to seville's symphonic orchestra, a 100 person chorus from Malaga, and 4 lovely opera singers perform Verdi's Misa de Réquiem.

It was like water to my soul; cleansing, calming, refreshing. A pure pleasure. For 2 hours I could unwind and process everything that's been happening or just sit and be. Nothing begging my attention except the beauty that filled the room.

After the concert, we went and had tapas near la Plaza de los Vírgenes and had some good ol' fashion conversations: dreams, goals, pasts. Deep conversations are my love language.

Unfortunately I wore the wrong shoes to gallivant on cobblestones at night so I went home around 1 am instead of meeting up with everyone at Alfalfa. While I do wish I got to spend more time with people, I'm glad I went to bed at a decent hour, considering my narrow escape this morning.

Now I'm watching stretches of rolling hills covered with olive groves grow more frequent and spotting the occasional vestige of history in the form of churches, ruins, castles/monasteries which crop out of white washed pueblos. I even see some windmills churning (Don Quixote lives!)

Even though i'm transitioning yet again, peace guards my feet and praise rests on my lips.